Causes of Anger What makes a person angry? It is often the natural emotional result of painful self judgment.
Home (/index.htm)
Self Mastery Program (/self_mastery.htm)
Articles How the Mind Affects Happiness (/happiness/2007/09/27/mindaffects-happiness/) Self Help Doesn't Work (/writings_self_help.htm) Voice in my Head (/writings_voice_in_head.htm) Self Awareness (/selfawareness.htm) Create Happiness (/create_happiness.htm) Overcoming Jealousy (/relationship_jealousy.html) Overcoming Insecurity (/writings-insecurity.htm) Pursuit of Happiness (/pursuit_happiness.htm) Core Beliefs Change False Beliefs (/writings_falsebeliefs.htm) Identify Core Beliefs (/writings_core_beliefs.htm) Core Beliefs Inventory (/core_belief_inventory.htm) Body Image Beliefs (/beliefs_body.htm) Food and Beliefs of Feeling Deprived (/feeling_deprived.htm) How to Change a Belief (/happiness/2016/03/10/howchange-belief/)
Free Audio (/insights.htm)
Video (/videohappiness.htm)
Happiness Blog (/happiness)
Events (/happiness/events/)
Coaching (/mentoring.htm)
What causes Anger? What makes a person angry? (/self_mastery.htm) What makes a person angry? Why do we get angry over the smallest things and blow up out of proportion with what is happening? Why do we get angry at the people we love and care about? Anger can appear to be irrational but if you learn to look below the surface you will find the real causes of anger. When you find the real causes you can successfully overcome your anger.
Download Four FREE Self Mastery Sessions
Hidden Causes of Anger on a Family Vacation Jack is upper middle class, educated, and came from a good home. He loves and respects his wife Emily and adores his kids. There’s no apparent reason for Jack to have angry outbursts but he does. Jack was driving his wife and two kids to the beach town for a planned family vacation. Then in an effort to tidy up the car his wife Emily grabbed some trash from the center console to put in a bag. Before he could realize why, Jack snapped at her with anger in his voice, “Just leave that alone.” There was such venom in his voice that Emily pulled away and sat quietly in her seat not moving. The boys in the back seat went silent as well. Jack was surprised at his own outburst and proceeded to judge himself for acting irrationally. From the self judgment he felt small, stupid, and guilty. This is not how a well educated, successful, family man is supposed to behave. Wanting the whole incident, and how he felt about it, to just go away, he attempted to ignore it. In trying to bury it he didn’t apologize to Emily. The inner judge in his mind remembered though, and kept judging himself for his uncontrolled anger. This wasn’t the first time that Jack got angry like this. This is just part of a pattern. Jack has snapped at his wife with anger for years often without even a preceding thought as to why. It happens so fast that there is nothing preceding his emotional reaction to tell him why he was angry. It’s confused him why this happens because he really loves and appreciates her. Without knowing the cause of his anger Jack had no idea how to change it. Mostly he has tried to push it aside. That has worked for a while but somewhere down the road another outburst would happen. His failure at controlling his anger has been cause for feeling like a failure. That all changed as Jack developed self awareness. Awareness allows you to see what causes Anger Jack took some time to practice some exercises and develop awareness about his anger. He found some interesting things that he hadn’t seen before. He found the cause of his anger.
Relationships First of all Jack loves his wife and has a tremendous amount of respect for her. He is amazed at how efficient she is. Happy Relationships She takes care of the house, home schooling the kids, meals, and keeps everything so neat and clean. Oddly enough (/relationship_first.htm) these elements are part of the interpretations and beliefs in his mind that trigger anger. Relationship Drama There is an inner judge in Jack’s mind that compares him to Emily. According to the inner judge Jack makes more (/relationship_matrix.htm) messes than he cleans up, isn’t organized, and not nearly as patient and attentive to their children. When Jack’s inner Emotional Safety judge makes those comparisons Jack ends up feeling unworthy, and “not good enough.” Jack’s inner judge makes (/relationship_safety.htm) those comparisons and self judgments all the time. Those feelings of unworthiness are painful wounds that fester in Overcoming jealousy (/relationship_jealousy.html) Jacks’ emotional mind. As much as he attempts to push them away their pressure and energy build over time under the surface. Symbols of Love (/relationship_symbols.htm) A natural reaction to pain or being hurt is anger (understanding-anger.htm). It’s part of the instinctive animal nature Better Relationship of any being. When we perceive a danger of being hurt, the fight mechanism of anger helps to ensure our protection. Communication Skills The misleading element is when our mind perceives the cause incorrectly. (/happiness/2013/11/05/relationshipIn Jack’s perception he feels hurt when he is around his wife. When she is busy taking care of the household and communication-skills/) keeping things neat and clean is when Jack most often makes comparisons in his mind. That’s when he feels the emotional pain. The assumption in Jack’s belief system has associated pain being caused by Emily. He is not aware Anger Management that the real cause of his emotional pain is from self judgment based on his comparisons to Emily. It is Jack’s belief in Anger Management his self image as a failure when compared to her that is hurting him self emotionally. (/anger/angermanagement.htm) Understanding Anger (/anger/understandinganger.htm) What causes Anger (/anger/cause-anger.htm) Belief Inventory of Anger (/core_belief_inventory.htm) Releasing Anger (/Emotion.htm)
Jacks’ belief system has associated feeling hurt with the trigger of his wife Emily. For protection Jack’s mind pushes Emily away with anger in order to stop his pain. It was obvious to Jack that Emily wasn’t the cause of his anger, and that was very confusing until he became aware of these other layers. However a person’s belief system doesn’t necessarily operate on rationality. It operates based on beliefs and assumptions. We often aren’t aware of how our beliefs operate and how they create our emotions so they may seem hidden. These beliefs aren’t really hidden. It’s just that we haven’t gone looking at them before. Too often we accept our first thoughts about things or the surface level assumption without reflecting deeper. For Jack it was the unconscious comparisons and self judgments driven by these hidden beliefs that caused his angry outbursts. Not being able to see these beliefs had nothing to do with being stupid. Jack is plenty intelligent and has advanced degrees to back it up. The causes of anger are often difficult to see only because we haven’t developed our awareness of what to look for or how the belief system in the mind operates.
Self Mastery Program Self Mastery Jack didn’t know that self judgments were part of what was creating his emotional pain. He also didn’t know how he (/self_mastery.htm) was using his beliefs about his wife as a basis for comparison for those self judgments. He wasn’t aware that Audio Coaching mp3 emotional pain can be a cause of anger. He also wasn’t’ ware how emotions can build up over time until our efforts to (/audio_sessions.htm) keep them repressed slip and produce an outburst over the smallest triggering event. The Process to Change Emotions (/pathway.htm) Jack wasn’t aware of what was making him angry all those years because he didn’t have awareness of what was Four Agreements going on in his belief system in his mind. He wasn’t aware of how several different beliefs and thoughts combined (/writings_four_agreements.htm) together to produce the emotion of anger. Self Awareness Changing the Causes of Anger Exercises (/sessions_summary.htm) The appearance of things was that his wife was somehow triggering her anger. In a way she was. But she wasn’t the The Observer cause. Emily was just triggering the beliefs of self judgment that were already in place. Those beliefs and self (/happiness/2016/01/10/becomingjudgments would still be there whether Emily was in the picture or not. There’s a distinct difference between triggers observer/) and causes of anger. When you don’t have awareness of the underlying beliefs you can make the mistake of focusing Conference Calls on the trigger and missing the cause. (/conference_call.htm) It was a great relief for Jack to discover what the real cause of his anger was. Before he could only see the triggers Testimonials and they didn’t make sense. They were always out of proportion with how much anger he felt. He had tried for years to (/happiness/category/testimonial/) just repress his emotions with will power and now he could see why that didn’t work. Over time more pressure of Help Page (/help.htm) emotions would just build up until it eventually had to get vented. About Gary Once Jack became aware of the self judgment and self rejection from the inner judge he directed his efforts at Individual Coaching and dissolving them. By eliminating the self judgments Jack no longer has those painful feelings of unworthiness and not Mentoring being good enough. Without those painful feelings there is no anger from the fight or flight mechanism in his mind. (/mentoring.htm) The result is that there’s no anger to control or manage because there is none. Gary's Background (/about_gary_background.htm)Not every person creates anger in the same way. Each person has different beliefs and interpretations in their mind that produce emotions in their own individual way. However, they often have similar patterns. Only through awareness Recommended Reading will you be able to see your own individual pattern and change them. and Listening (/recommended.htm) When you gain the awareness of how the different elements of your mind operate, and apply some effective tools and Nourish your Soul with techniques for change, you can eliminate the cause of your anger and unhappiness. For exercises and practices to Books and Movies find the cause of your emtions and change the underlying beliefs listen to the Self Mastery Audio Sessions. (/about_gary_books.htm) (../self_mastery.htm) The first couple are free. Or you can work with Gary personally through individual coaching Contact Gary sessions. (../mentoring.htm) (/contact.htm) Related Material More Articles Anger Management What is Wrong with Me? Understanding Anger (anger-management.htm) (/happiness/2011/11/15/whatOvercoming Self Judgment is-wrong-with-me/) (/happiness/2008/05/14/self-judgment/)Inventory of Core Beliefs Supporting Anger (../core_belief_inventory.htm) Change Self Image (/self_image.htm) Controlling Your Happiness (/happiness/2007/05/15/controllingyour-happiness/) Two Paths to Happiness (/happiness/2007/04/10/twopaths-to-happiness/) The Self Mastery Course: Practical Tools for Getting Rid of the Emotional Drama in Your Life Controlling Relationships Stop Emotional Reactions (/happiness/2007/01/16/controlling- Change Core Beliefs relationships/) Quiet the Criticizing Voice in Your Head Being Optimistic Develop Communication and Respect in Your Relationships (/happiness/2007/07/18/beingCreate Love and Happiness in Your Life optimistic/) Check out Gary's Self Mastery Audio Program and Download FOUR Sessions FREE Enlightenment (/enlightenment.htm) Compassion SIGN UP NOW (/writings_compassion.htm) For 4 FREE Lessons (/amember/signup.php) Key to Happiness (/writings_happiness_key.html) Frustrations at Work (/writings-work.htm) Feeling Unworthy (/writings_perfection.htm) Miguel Ruiz
About Gary (/about_gary_backgro
(/writings_ruiz.html) Spiritual Seekers and Finders (/writings-findersseekers.html) Irrational Fears (/writingsmoney.htm) Develop Personal Power (/personal-power.htm) Happiness Test (/happiness_test.htm)
Workshops and Events (/happiness/events/) Other Resources (/recommended.htm) Buy the Book: MindWorks A Practical Guide for Changing Thoughts, Beliefs, and Emotional Reactions (/MindWorks.htm)
MindWorks: A Practical... $17.00 Shop now
Site Map (/happiness/sitemap/) © All content copyright Pathway To Happiness LLC. PO Box 3242, Santa Barbara, CA 93130 Site Map (/happiness/sitemap/) | Privacy Policy (/happiness/privacy-policy/) | Refund Policy (/happiness/refund-policy/) | Customer Support (/happiness/customer-support/)
